I WANT TO TELL YOU, February 21, 1968

Given the opportunity that I could be courteous and welcoming, I took Lucy for a sort of tour of the big city. I guess after a couple of hours she got accustomed to things. We went by an old abandoned building by the river and spent time talking. I wanted to tell her what I felt, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. All she could do was talk about how Daniel died serving in the war. She couldn’t help it. He was her first boyfriend and he was the first person she knew that died. It was good to see her release all that pain. But it was sad to watch.

Something else was on her mind though. I asked what it was and she told me the reason why she was here was because a letter had come for Max. He shouldn’t have dropped out of college. Max was going to be a recruit heading for Vietnam. None of us wanted him to go and I’m sure he didn’t either. But LBJ isn’t giving anyone much choice.

I tried to cheer her up and told her that no one or no gun was going to get Max. He’s so twisted that he’ll bend his way out of this fix. I didn’t know for sure, but I hoped. I loved the bugger. The draft did exist in England, but I’d have been exempted as a shipyard worker. I would’ve spent some time studying art, but I guess I’d have to live on pure skill seeing that the only thing I had time for was to bring money into the house. So I joined the ranks of the great unwashed.

Saying that didn’t give her much security so I tried to keep her mind off of it. I broke a stick off of the charred canoe that burnt and washed ashore and I ran to a wall and did a rough sketch of her. I didn’t have charcoal or paper, but I improvised. I guess I wanted an excuse to look at her. I asked her to come closer. I just wanted to get her eyes right. Too bad I had to leave it like that…we got caught. Apparently we were "defacing city property." I egged him on and told him to come down and get us. He’ll scuff up them shiny black boots. It was and reckless move since I didn’t exist in this country. "Run For Your Life!" I screamed, and we eventually lost him.

We went back to the loft and found everyone celebrating Sadie’s success. We had a good time and I finally took Lucy by the hand and told her how I felt. She was reluctant to fall in love. But she talked to me and made me understand that she doesn’t want to get hurt, especially by her brother’s best mate.

If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true?
And help me understand that I’ve been in love before
And I’ve found that love was more than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you, I must be sure from the very start
That you will love me more than her.
If I trust in you, oh please, don’t run and hide
If I love you too, oh please, don’t hurt my pride like her
‘Cause I couldn’t stand the pain and I would be sad if our new love was in vain.
So I hope you see that I would love to love you…

The night ended with a kiss.

Labels: journal entry